maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
