I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
