I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Randomize
