I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
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