Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
