I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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