Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
