I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize