Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
