Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
