it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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