You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
being pregnant is like rehab
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
