It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
