I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
