Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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