You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
