He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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