he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My breasts were aching with rage.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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