do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
