Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize