just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize