when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
