I look better un-naked...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
