just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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