My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
