ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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