my phone needs a breathalizer
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
