i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
