frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
