I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
