let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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