I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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