I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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