I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
