i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize