I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
No more Irish car bombs ever.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
50% drunk capacity currently
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
