he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I want a musical about memes.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
