Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
