Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
