why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
