I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
