I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
