my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
