The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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