I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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