Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
