Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
