I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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