i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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