Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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