yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
