Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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