hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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