so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
