did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
