i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
