I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
