We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
