nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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