Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
