When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she looked like the before picture.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
