respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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